Have you ever had one of those magical conversations where time seems to disappear? You leave feeling lighter, more connected, and maybe even a little inspired. Great conversations have a way of doing that—they stick with you. But what makes them so special?
Recently, I came across an article that described a fresh way to think about conversations, and it completely changed how I approach them. The idea is simple: great conversations have lots of “doorknobs.”
Stay with me here—what’s a doorknob got to do with dinner conversations? It’s about creating opportunities. Each question, comment, or story we share is like offering a doorknob, a way for someone else to open the door and step into the dialogue. When we fill our conversations with these little openings, they become more dynamic, inclusive, and, well, fun.
If you’ve been to Queer Dinner Club before, you know we love good food, good vibes, and great chats. Let’s explore how to bring some of these “doorknobs” to the table next time.
Conversations Are Better When We Share the Spotlight
Imagine you’re at the table, and someone says, “I just got back from New Orleans!” Now, there are two ways you could respond. You could say, “Oh, cool! I love New Orleans,” and move on. Or, you could say, “What was your favorite thing about the trip?”
The second response is a doorknob. It’s an invitation for the other person to dive in and share more. They might light up talking about a jazz bar they stumbled into or a gumbo recipe they can’t stop thinking about. Either way, you’ve just opened the door for a richer conversation.
At Queer Dinner Club, this kind of curiosity makes all the difference. It turns small talk into a shared story.
Are You a Giver or a Taker? (Hint: Both Are Great!)
The article also talks about two types of people in conversations: givers and takers. Givers are the ones who love asking questions and encouraging others to share. Takers are the storytellers, the ones who dive in and set the tone.
Here’s the thing—both are awesome in their own way. Givers make people feel seen, while takers add energy and momentum. But the magic happens when we take turns being both. It’s like a game of ping-pong. You serve, they return, and before you know it, you’re in a rhythm.
At our dinners, you might find yourself naturally playing one role or the other. That’s okay! Just remember to keep the ball bouncing. If you’re a natural giver, try sharing a story or two. If you’re a talker, pause now and then to ask, “What about you?”
Let It Flow—No Pressure, No Perfection
One of the best takeaways from the article is that conversations don’t have to be perfect. Thank goodness, right? The goal isn’t to deliver polished TED Talks at the table; it’s to connect.
If there’s a pause, don’t stress. Silence can be the prelude to something amazing. And if you’re not sure what to say, just be honest. “I don’t know much about that, but tell me more” is a fantastic way to keep things going.
At Queer Dinner Club, we’re all about being real. Share what’s on your mind, laugh at your own jokes (even if no one else does), and enjoy the moment.
Bring It to Life at the Next Dinner
So, how can you bring these ideas to our next Queer Dinner Club? Here’s a little challenge for you:
Open at least three “doorknobs” during the evening. Ask a question or share something that invites others to jump in.
Play with being both a giver and a taker. Notice when it’s your turn to shine or step back.
Most importantly, have fun. Conversations are about connection, not perfection.
When we show up with curiosity and a willingness to share, something amazing happens. We laugh, we learn, and we leave feeling just a little more connected to each other. That’s what Queer Dinner Club is all about—good food, great company, and the kind of conversations you’ll remember long after dessert is gone.
I can’t wait to see you at the next dinner. Let’s unlock some doors together.
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